


Five Nights

by Beautiful Midnight (mcopland)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Smut, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 20:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16981617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcopland/pseuds/Beautiful%20Midnight
Summary: Five nights between two friends who want to be more. Before WWII and up to the Infinity War.





	Five Nights

**Author's Note:**

  * For [calendulae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calendulae/gifts).



> Written for the Steve/Bucky gift exchange for Calendulae. 
> 
> Soundtrack 
> 
> Night One: Decemberists - January Hymn
> 
> Night Two: City and Colour - Hello, I’m in Delaware
> 
> Night Three: Adele - When We Were Young
> 
> Night Four: Dala - Sweetest Ones
> 
> Night Five: Kendrick Lamar - All the Stars

Night One

If it wasn’t for the fact that their little furnace was a few days away from leaving them burning old newspapers and scrap wood to keep warm, Steve reasoned, it’d be a pretty perfect Christmas eve. Bucky, being Bucky, had snuck out after his night job with a few co-workers, and gone upstate to chop down a Christmas tree. . When Steve woke up that morning, there was a little tree in the corner of the apartment, and Bucky was fast asleep beside him still smelling like pine. Steve had asked him what the hell he’d done, and Bucky simply shrugged, grinning that grin at him; that grin that had gotten him out of trouble since they were kids. 

“It’s a Christmas miracle, Stevie.”

“You have sap on your shirt,” Steve pointed out flatly, almost immune to the Bucky Barnes charm. 

“Syrup. I went out for pancakes with the fellas.” Bucky’s grin didn’t falter. They both knew he was full of shit, but it didn’t matter. He took his shirt off, tossing it in the basket. “Problem solved.”

Steve felt his heartbeat quicken. Even with the undershirt on, very little was left to Steve’s imagination. He could see every curve of muscle on Bucky’s chest through the thin white fabric. He wet his lips and forced himself to look away. Even if, by some miracle Bucky Barnes was secretly that way, there’d be no way he’d go for a guy like Steve. Besides, God had written Steve Rogers’ death sentence a long time ago. It was only a matter of time before all his conditions banded together to shuffle him from this mortal coil. 

It took him a moment to realize Bucky’s hand was on his forehead. Steve’s cheeks burned and he pulled away. “Wh— what are you doing?”

“You looked flushed. I thought you might be runnin’ a fever.” He climbed out of their shared bed and stretched. “I’m gonna go down the hall, have a shower, you wanna toast some bread, put some coffee on?” 

Steve nodded. As much as he loved being around Bucky, it was difficult to keep his head on straight when those thoughts got in there. He took a few quick breaths to try and calm his libido, but whenever he closed his eyes, he could see Bucky’s abdominal muscles clinging to his undershirt. He could feel the bulge of Bucky’s dick pressing against him while they slept. 

He felt dizzy, letting out a shaky breath. “Damnit,” Steve whispered. “Why’d it have to be him?” Even if Bucky wasn’t that way, Steve had a feeling Bucky wouldn’t outright reject him - whether it was out of love or pity, he wasn’t sure - but it would change things between them. Even after Steve died, Bucky would probably still have tainted memories of him. It was best to keep that secret close to his chest. No one had to know. 

That night, he’d tried to put space between them, but Bucky had just huffed. “Rogers, quit bein’ a stubborn ass. It’s cold, we don’t have a lot of blankets, and I promised your mom I’d take care of you. Nothin’ wrong with us keeping warm. No one’s gonna think we’re kinda funny.”

“People think I am. All the time,” Steve muttered sullenly, but allowed himself to be pulled back against Bucky’s chest. Bucky held him close, completely comfortable in his own skin in a way that made Steve jealous. 

“Wouldn’t care if you were,” he yawned, closing his eyes. “Doesn’t change a goddamn thing.”

Steve blinked, looking back at him. “What? Really?”

“We’ve been best friends since the second goddamn grade, Stevie. You think I’d toss you on the curb for something like that?” 

He didn’t say anything for a while, listening jealously to the slow steady breathing of the man behind him. What he wouldn’t give to be like Bucky. Strong, handsome, confident. Everyone adored him, even if they didn’t want to. Even the nuns that taught them at school both adored him and wanted to throttle him simultaneously. Bucky just had that way about him. 

“Buck?”

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mn.” His grip tightened on Steve and pulled him closer. A moment passed, and he nuzzled his face into Steve’s hair. Steve sighed, wondering which of the neighborhood girls Bucky was dreaming about. He could really have his pick of any of th— “Mn, Stevie…” Bucky mumbled, letting out a little sigh. 

Steve’s eyes widened and he turned his head to look at his friend in the dim light in the room. Bucky was fast asleep. If this was a joke, he was really committing to it. He rolled so they were facing each other and swallowed back a wave of anxiety. “Buck?” He asked softly. Bucky’s eyelids twitched, but he didn’t wake up. 

_God help me, this is wrong. This is so wrong._

He leaned up and pressed their lips together, his heart pounding in his chest. Bucky moaned in his sleep and curled his fingers in Steve’s shirt. For just a moment, everything was almost perfect. Almost. Steve pulled away, his cheeks burning. He rolled back over and put his back to Bucky. A brick-sized lump of guilt settled in his gut, and he clenched his eyes shut. 

As terrible as he felt, he took solace in the fact that he wouldn’t be around carrying this secret for long. 

 

Night Two

 

“It’s just basic training, Stevie. I’m not gonna be getting shot at it. And Mrs. Jones down the hall is going to look in on you while I’m gone.” 

Steve glowered at him from the ratty sofa they’d rescued from the alley weeks earlier. “I’m a grown man. I don’t need someone to look after me.”

“Which one of us got so busy drawin’ that they forgot to eat all day yesterday?” Bucky asked smoothly, arching a brow. Steve looked down and huffed. “That’s what I thought. Look, I’ll be back for your birthday. That’s only a month away. Then I have another month, I get a day to spend with you and they ship me out. Maybe I’ll get shot where it won’t kill me and they’ll send me home.”

“Don’t even joke about that!” Steve snapped, immediately on his feet. Bucky’s face softened, and he sighed, slinging his arm around Steve’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry. I’m scared shitless, Stevie. I have no idea why you want to get into the army so damn bad. I’m happier having you here. Home. Safe.”

“I want to fight. Like my father.”

“And look where that got him.” Bucky regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. “Look. Just stay safe, okay? Now c’mon. I leave tomorrow morning. I don’t want to spend my last civilian night fightin’ with my best friend. You wanna go see a picture? I got a bit extra from my night job. Boss is big on the military, so he slipped me a few bucks.” 

Steve wanted to say no, but he didn’t want things to be strained between them. He knew Bucky was on edge, and… well, he wasn’t much better. “Yeah. I don’t even care what’s playing.”

“Me either.” He smiled weakly. 

It was better this way. Maybe the feelings would go away if he had some space between them. Something Steve said a few months ago had stuck with him, making him second-guess a lot of things he never worried about. Did he stand too close to Steve? Did his hugs linger too long? Could people tell? Did Steve know?

Bucky’s stomach turned. If people knew, he’d end up at the damn loony bin with an ice cream scoop sized hole out of his brain, drooling and mumbling to himself. There was a guy in their neighborhood. Bucky’s parents knew his parents, so Bucky had seen him around. He knew the guy was that way. Everyone knew. He went away, and everyone knew why. When he came back, it was like he was just a shadow of who he used to be; like the light was gone from him. 

It was easier for Bucky to go out with girls and keep the suspicion off. People just figured that Bucky and Steve were friends - because why would a man who looked like him be interested in a skinny, sickly nothing like Steve Rogers? 

Truth was, Bucky couldn’t remember ever loving anyone else the way he loved Steve, but… it wasn’t safe. He didn’t want either of them to end up like that guy from their neighborhood. If he had to bury these feelings for the rest of his life to keep them both out of the nuthouse.... so be it. 

The movie was fine, the snacks were fine. Everything was just fine. The only thing that stuck out for him was that at some point, his hand searched out Steve’s in the dark and held onto it. There was a moment of awkward silence between them until finally, Steve squeezed his hand and curled his fingers into Bucky’s. When the movie ended, they pulled their hands away as the lights were coming up, neither of them saying a word. 

It wasn’t mentioned again, but Bucky swore that Steve was looking at him strangely before they went to bed. He didn’t have time to say anything, however - Bucky was gone before the sun was up, leaving only a note on the pillow for Steve to find. 

‘Don’t be an idiot. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you in a month. 

Yours ‘til the end of the line,

James Buchanan Barnes’

 

Night Three

 

“Buck?”

Steve walked through the snow. It still felt strange to barely have the snow at his calves when it would have been past his knees before the procedure. There was still a lot to get used to. 

Bucky looked back briefly from where he was sitting, sipping a beer under a large tree, away from everyone else. “Just needed some quiet.”

It was loud as hell in the bar, but it was the first night off that they’d had in a while, and it was going to be a hell of a day after. They all needed a break. Peggy had already gone to bed, though he suspected she’d be up reading for hours. 

“Want some company?” Steve sat down without waiting for permission. Bucky handed him a bottle of beer that he’d been cooling off in the snow next to him. 

“You sure you want to leave your own party, Captain? Got a real nice girl waiting for you.” There was a bite to his voice that Steve wasn’t expecting. 

Steve took the bottle of beer and popped the cap off, flipping it into the snow in front of him. “You drunk?”

“Tryin’ to be. I.. I’m real tired, Steve. And I thought I was gonna die back there, and my best friend got his idiot self into…” He gestured vaguely towards him. “Whatever the hell he got himself into, and now he doesn’t need me anymore.” Bucky lifted his beer to his lips and finished the bottle, setting it down. 

“That’s not true.”

“When we get home, you’ll be able to get whoever you want, and y—“

Silently, Steve reached over and slipped his gloved fingers into Bucky’s, hoping he hadn’t misread that gesture at the cinema months ago.”It’s me and you,” he said softly. “I’m yours ‘til the end of the line.” 

There was a moment where nothing happened. Other than the noise drifting over to them from the pub, it was silent. He leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes, starting to feel more and more anxious the longer Bucky stayed quiet. 

The sudden warm lips shocked the hell out of him, and he opened his eyes to see Bucky Barnes kissing him. Steve wanted to cry. He pulled Bucky closer, so the other man was practically in his lap. His free hand moved to circle Bucky’s waist; and he moaned, remembering that stolen kiss from months before. It didn’t even compare to this. This was half a lifetime of emotion forced out into a single kiss. 

Bucky pulled back, his face flushed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize, Barnes.”

“I was scared someone would find out and send one -or both of us away. It’s not safe for guys like us.”

Steve’s heart was thumping in his chest. “So, you’re…”

“Yeah. You?”

“...mostly. I still like girls, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve been in love with you since we were eight years old.” Steve laughed weakly. “I didn’t figure I’d be around long enough to do anything about it.”

Bucky ran his fingers through Steve’s hair and leaned in for another kiss, still holding his hand tightly. “You’re so goddamn stubborn,” he muttered, feeling a sense of relief wash over him. He wanted to cry from the feeling of having the weight finally lifted from him. He’d been carrying that secret for as long as he could remember, and whatever happened, Steve would know how Bucky felt about him. 

It hurt to pull away when they had been waiting for so long, but people were starting to stumble out of the bar, and it wasn’t safe. Steve settled on resting his head against Bucky’s shoulder, holding hands between them out of sight. 

“You don’t see stars like this in Brooklyn,” Bucky said, breaking the silence and letting his head rest against Steve’s. It was a simple gesture, but the intimacy of it spoke volumes. Steve murmured something in agreement, rubbing his thumb over the top of Bucky’s hand. “Hey. Stevie. Whatever happens, I’m still real sore about you somehow…. doing whatever the hell it is you did, but.. I’m glad we had a chance to come clean. So if one of us doesn’t make it home, I love you.”

Steve lifted his head, frowning. The thought of Bucky not going home with him was like someone grabbing onto his heart and twisting it. “Buck..”

“I already cheated death once, Steve. I don’t know that I’ll get another chance at it.” He sighed. “If we do, I say we take whatever money the army gives us, and we get the hell out of the city. We just find some little house upstate, even if we gotta build it ourselves, away from everyone. What do you say?”

His throat tightened and he nodded, holding onto Bucky’s hand a little tighter, as if that could keep him from ever being taken away. “That.. sounds pretty perfect. I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself if you weren’t around.”

“If I’m not, you move on. You hear me? That… Peggy girl. She’s great, and she’s crazy about you. You’d be happy with her.”

“I would.”

“You could have some annoying blonde kids who are stubborn asses like their father, goin’ around causing mischief and making life hell for some nuns.” He grinned, feeling the sting of tears at the corners of his eyes. As much as he was trying to be positive, planning a life for Steve - a life without him in it - was agony. 

“Okay. We have to change the subject. We’re both going to make it home,” Steve said, voice strained. “Now shut your goddamned mouth and look at the stars, Barnes.”

Bucky smiled through his heartache. “Yessir, Cap.”

Steve flicked him in the ear. 

 

Night Four

 

“We leave in a few hours,” Steve said, knocking on the door. Bucky was sitting on the floor, staring ahead with such a broken expression that Steve felt his heart break all over again. “I’ve got people meeting us at the airport tomorrow in case things go south. You should try and get some sleep.”

“Could you?”

Bucky sounded so tired. Steve sighed and sank onto the floor next to him, trying not to look at the metal arm attached to his best friend. It seemed so out of place - it was so unlike him. “Why d’you think I’m awake, bothering you?” He cracked a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Are you expecting things to go south tomorrow?”

“Yeah. We’re not getting out of there unscathed. I would be amazed if Tony didn’t have a team going. Hell, he probably has an army of suits.” Steve let his head fall back onto the concrete wall. “It all fell apart so goddamn fast. I just couldn’t bring myself to sign the accords, and next thing I know, you’re wanted for mass murder.”

“They’re not wrong,” Bucky muttered, flexing his fingers. “It just wasn’t for that mass murder.”

“You didn’t kill all those people, Buck. You weren’t you.”

“I could have killed you.”

“You sure fucking tried.”

He snorted, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. It.. it’s good to see you. It’s a shame we have to be international fugitives to do it. So… you, uh… seeing anyone?”

Steve turned to stare at him, bewildered. “James Buchanan Barnes. After everything that’s happened, the first time we get to really sit down and talk, you check to see if I’m single?”

“Keeping my options open. I might end up in some super powered prison, but I’m not gonna end up in the loony bin for being.. whatever they call it now. Gay.” He shrugged. “Trying to lighten the mood, that’s all.” Bucky leaned into him, closing his eyes briefly. “So, that.. Tony guy. He’s Howard Stark’s kid?”

“Yep.”

“Is he an asshole too?”

“Yep. But he’s my friend. Usually.” 

“You have a type, Rogers.”

“I do, don’t I?” He chuckled, putting an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, trying not to notice how Bucky tensed up at the touch. “You know, one of these days, we’ll have to have our little house upstate. You remember?”

Bucky smiled sadly and moved a little closer. “We keep screwing it up before we get to the goal, don’t we? Now I’m broken with a buncha Nazis in my head, and you’re a criminal.”

“Sister Agnes always told me you’d lead me down a bad path,” Steve said with a grin, willing to do anything to get Bucky to stop looking like he was barely holding it together. “Doesn’t matter. I wasn’t willing to give up on you before, and I’m sure as hell not willing to give up on you now.”

“Your friend would sure say otherwise.”

“Sam? He’ll come around. Just give him a chance.” Steve turned and kissed Bucky’s temple. “I… I’m glad you’re here, Buck. I…. god, I should have been able to catch you before. I sh-“

“Steve.” Bucky’s tone was firm, and it reminded him of when they were younger, when Bucky would have to make him eat or take his meds. “I signed up for it. I knew there was a risk. We found each other in the end. I’m not the same person. I probably won’t ever be, but… neither are you. It doesn’t matter. It’s you and me til the end of the line.” He started to reach for Steve with his prosthetic and caught himself, pulling his arm back. He just didn’t trust himself with it. 

Steve grabbed the metal hand and made an effort to not think about how strong that hand was when Bucky didn’t have control of it. This wasn’t the time. Bucky needed him. 

They needed each other. 

“We’re going to get to the airport, and we’ll figure out a way to get the jet and go to Siberia. You’ll clear your name, and we’ll have freedom to go off and retire somewhere.”

Bucky had a sinking feeling that for one of them, retirement wouldn’t be an option - would Steve be able to give up the shield and stop fighting? He didn’t voice his concerns. This wasn’t the time or the place. “Promise me you’re going to be careful. None of those winter soldiers have ever been in love with you.”

“You suggestin’ I should take them out for coffee?” Steve grinned. 

“I’m suggesting that there’s no memories for you to trigger, and they’ll kill you without giving it a second thought, smart-ass.” Bucky sighed. “They’re strong, Steve. They’re strong and they’re remorseless. If we get separated, be safe. We just found each other again.”

Steve pulled him in close, letting Bucky lean on him. “We’ll do what we have to. Get some sleep.” He wasn’t going to lose. Not with this much on the line. 

“If they get in my head again...” Bucky warned. Steve kissed him hard on the lips. 

“Bucky. Go to sleep. Whatever happens, I’m not losing you. It’s me and you, remember? It’s not the end of the line yet.”

Bucky nodded once and closed his eyes, sighing. He likely wouldn’t sleep, but at least here with Steve, he could relax.

 

Night Five

 

Steve looked up at the knock to his door and was about to get up and answer it when Bucky walked in, locking it behind him. Steve raised an eyebrow. “You okay, Bucky?”

“Everyone’s real on edge about the battle. They figure sunrise, it all goes down.”

“That’s what I heard.”

Bucky tossed him a little tube, already taking his shirt off. “So we have tonight. If this Thanos punk takes us out, I’m sure as hell not giving up my shot with you. And I had to ask Shuri where to find lubricant, so don’t you dare make me go through that for nothing.” 

Steve looked from the lubricant in his hands to a shirtless Bucky in front of him. His mouth went dry, and he felt a little dizzy. “Bucky…”

“People are planning. T’Challa has people who’re on your level when it comes to that, Cap. You and me? We need a night off. We need this. We’ve had decades of interruptions, and tomorrow sounds like it could be the end of the line. Besides, the beard’s really doin’ it for me.”

Bucky seemed closer to his old self than Steve could have imagined. He was moving with that familiar confidence, and Steve assumed the new arm had something to do with it. Bucky was right, too. They needed a night together where they were just a normal couple - or as close as they could get. Steve stood up, taking his shirt off. Every dirty little fantasy he’d had since he was a teenager was finally coming true. They’d had to go through hell, but they’d found each other on the other side. 

“I’m starting to think we’re not gonna get our little house upstate,” Steve said dryly, undoing the button on his pants. 

Bucky laughed, kicking his pants off and moving the blankets on the bed. “If this is all we get, I’ll be happy.” He flashed that shit-eating Barnes grin and Steve went weak in the knees. “Unless you’re really bad at sex.”

“Jerk.” Steve snorted, climbing onto the bed on top of him and kissing him. He ran his fingers along the curve of Bucky’s abdominal muscles, shivering, and slowly pulled down the other man’s underwear, moving down until he was between Bucky’s thighs. 

Steve opened the tube, drizzling it on his index finger. He was nervous as hell - he’d never done this with another guy, but… well, lately, when he needed to blow off some steam, it was online videos of two men. And in his mind, it was always him and Bucky. It was always Bucky falling apart beneath him, clinging to him and making the most delicious noises, moaning Steve’s name..

He wrapped his lips around the head of Bucky’s cock, savouring the gasp and the muttered curse he heard. Steve worked a finger inside of him, waiting for Bucky to get used to it before adding another. He sucked slowly, reasonably certain that he’d never been so turned on in his life. Seeing Bucky naked on the bed, squirming and moaning, hair splayed out beneath him… it was far better than any internet pornography. 

Bucky reached down to run his fingers through Steve’s hair, gripping it slightly. He wanted to tell Steve to just fuck him; that he didn’t care if it hurt, but he knew Steve better than that. He let the pleasure wash over him, blurring the terrible memories that still took up space in his mind. He didn’t want to think about them anymore. 

“Are you good?” Steve asked, swallowing. He wasn’t a virgin, but… this was special. He needed this to be special. 

Bucky nodded. It was a lie, but however much it hurt, he’d been through far worse. “I’m good. C’mon, Rogers. Fuck me.”

Steve’s cheeks flushed, and he was grateful that the beard hid most of it. He was used to cursing by this time, between growing up in Brooklyn, being in the military, and being around… well, people, but hearing Bucky talk like that made his head swim. He continued lubing himself up, trying to ease how awkward it was with conversation. “Y-yeah. Yeah. I, uh.. this stuff smells good. What is it?”

“Vibranium.”

He opened his mouth and caught himself. Bucky had him going for just a second. “...smart-ass.” He shed the rest of his clothes and moved between Bucky’s legs, positioning himself and leaning up to kiss him. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Steve. I’m fine. C’mon. We don’t have all night.”

From the first deliciously slow thrust, it was obvious that their bodies were meant to fit together. Steve got over his nerves, focusing instead on the noises that were coming out of Bucky’s mouth, and how they were because of him. It was a long time coming, but worth the wait. He touched and kissed every inch of Bucky’s body that he could reach, groaning loudly. 

“St-Steve! God. Oh, goddamn.. right there. Yes. I love you..”

Bucky tossed his head back, gasping. It’d hurt at first - he really should have learned to stop being so goddamned impatient - but that all melted away, and all he could feel was the heat of Steve’s body, warming him inside and out. 

His orgasm hit him so hard that he swore he blacked out for a second, his body so overwhelmed with pleasure that his mind couldn’t function. He choked out Steve’s name again, clawing uselessly at his back. 

“I love you, Bucky. I— aah! God! I love you.” He buried his face in Bucky’s neck and gasped sharply as he came, hips jerking a few more times before half-collapsing on top of him, trying to catch his breath. 

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, still hearing Bucky’s whines of pleasure. It was perfect. “Stay with me?”

“I forgot how to use my damn legs. I’m not going anywhere.” Bucky laughed weakly. “Besides, I’m hoping we can sneak in a round two.” 

“....yeah, me too.”

It was a few hours before sunrise when they finally fell asleep. Whatever was coming, it couldn’t be something they couldn’t fight. 

Maybe, just maybe, this time, they’d get their storybook ending.


End file.
